Lose, you lover!

When I was a kid, quite often I used to get mad at people. I used to channel that anger into whatever I was doing -playing, studying, writing, anything. In that anger, I used to give up some favorite food or stop talking to someone who had pissed me off, or something that would keep the flame burning, so to speak. Quite a terrible thing to do at a young age. Pride in kids is usually problematic. I probably didn't want to feel helpless. So the pride and anger helped me be in control of things and, frankly, be good at them. An awful means to an amazing end.

My mum was quite scared of this habit but also almost certain that I would give it up sooner or later. In fact, she probably also knew when. She always told me that you are happy being helpless when you are in love. The losses don't count then as they do otherwise. Too young to get it, I promised her that that's never going to be the case with me. I cannot sustain being helpless. And then it hit the young me - the love. I started falling for people and for music and books and a thousand other things that the rapidly expanding horizons had to offer. It was quite painful to see that I was okay with losing control. Quite a freaking adjustment!

There has to be something beyond the pure survivalist value that we all fall in love, right? The horrible ones among us still fall in love. The abusers and the asexuals alike. The cynics and romantics - everyone. No amount of hurt, betrayal, or injury can stop us from falling in love again. You would choose another heartbreak anytime over completely losing the instinct to love. You have to feel helpless. You have to lose and give in. And at some point, it might feel like you're walking naked in the crowd of stone pelters. And maybe you are. But at that moment, if you are lucky, you'll find others just like you who'll see the true you and be okay with even the worst that you have to offer. That's when you know you found the love. It can be anywhere - in a friend, in a partner, in a parent. Or you may feel it in a musical note, in an equation, or something or the other.

So, let the world be your valentine. Be helpless, surrender. Lose yourself for a moment. Fall in love and fall again and over again. The people, the music, and the words will love you back. Maybe not today, or maybe not the way you would want them to, but they will. Because there is nothing better to do, once you are here than to love.